Coming to terms

I'm unhappy.

There, I said it. Are you happy now?

Because it sure as hell didn't make me feel any better saying it.

I'm unhappy.

I'm sad. I'm annoyed. I'm hurt. I'm depressed. I'm angry.

I'm just so fucking sick of everything - you know?

I hate people having power over me and I hate having to answer to people.

I just can't fucking wait till I can get the fuck off this island.

Yeah I know it seems all fucking dark and twisted - but it's just me. And I don't care what anyone thinks anymore.

"You aren't the Lauren I remember when we first met."

Well who's to say you even knew me at all? And who are you to judge whether I've changed or not. If you knew me at all, you'd know that I'm always changing and you just need to learn to get used to it.

I'd like to think that I'm fine and that I'm content, but the truth is I'm just not - and so I'm not going to sit around with a smile plastered across my face when people ask me if I'm "okay", because I'm just not. So why lie? I don't owe anyone an explanation, and it sure as hell isn't anyones business whether I'm unhappy or not and the reason behind it.

"Because I just am" should be reason enough.

Why do people often times like to involve themselves in other people's problems?
We should all just deal with our own shit. Thats kind of the point.

You suck it up, and cope with it.

I'm usually one to complain, but I'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that crap happens, and you can't complain about it forever. At some point, you need to get off your ass and face your shit. Because if you don't, you're never going to get anywhere, and you sure as hell aren't gonna get any stronger. We need to make mistakes, so we can get up and try again.

Maybe no one will understand because they think I'm just a negative person, but it's my mentality. I can't help the way that I am, and I'm sorry if I'm bringing you down. Honestly, the only solution I can pose is to stay away from me - because I don't mean to make anyone feel shitty. But I don't expect anyone to try and make me feel any better either.

Because sometimes, there is really nothing you can do. And sometimes people just get overwhelmed with sadness & discontent. Sometimes there is no reason for it. And sometimes you just need to leave it alone until it passes over.

I know I'm not the same, thats pretty obvious.

But I'm still the same person inside. I just realized that theres no point in pretending anymore.

I'm sick of trying to please everyone, because that always ends in my own disappointment.

I try so hard to live up to everyone's expectations, that I forgot what it's like to enjoy myself.

I don't even know what happy is anymore. When was I happy? (If I was ever happy at all)

I'd like to think that life is great and perfect and people are fantastic but that would be one huge fucking fantasy.

You want the truth? Here's the truth:

People are assholes. People are mean, vile, destructive, heartless, cold, malicious beings. People don't care about anyone other than themselves, and people will always judge you - no matter what. You can tell yourself that there are perfect people out there, which there probably are - but only a handful. All in all, people suck. No one will understand, people will judge you, and you can't trust anyone.

I'd like to feel better I really would, but I just can't right now. I just need to be away for a while. I'll return as soon as possible, but I just need to find my place first. I'm just so lost in life right now and I'm not sure exactly who or what I'd like to be. But when I figure it out, I hope I feel better and will be back to normal.

I don't feel like thinking anymore, but I know I have not completed this thought.

For now, goodbye. I shall be back later.

Tomorrow perhaps.