What this is about, I do not know.

I know that I'm going to be okay.

And that when I'm ready, my people will be there with open arms, welcoming me back.

But I'm starting to think that maybe the people that are going to be there, are not the people I want to be there.

But they are the people that I need.

I don't think I have a group of true "best" friends anymore, and I am curious to find out who I will spend the remainder of my high school experience hanging out with. Generally, I enjoy the company of most of the people in my class - however there are those days where I am just extremely intolerant and very impatient, and cannot stand to listen to idiots and irritating people talk.

I feel as though I'm already on my way back, but not because I am ready to come back.

It sort of feels like I'm being rushed back because people feel sorry for me and because I feel obligated to. I don't want to be back yet, though.

I mean I'm obviously not "emo" if I still talk to my friends and I still smile and laugh - I just prefer to be alone recently. No reason in particular, other than the fact that people really annoy me and I'm sick of feeling like I'm obligated to be nice to everyone. Because honestly, I feel like people take advantage of the fact that I'm a friendly and nice person, and that they allow themselves to be fake to slither into peoples' lives. But I'm not going to tolerate it anymore, I just kind of want to stop holding back and I just want to be able to say what I'm feeling without being judged.

And I know that you will say "I understand" or "I know what you mean" but to be honest - you just don't. I refuse to believe that anyone "understands". Because theres a difference between truly understanding, and saying the words "I understand" because it's the right thing to say and you feel obligated to in order to comfort someone.
People are different, people feel different things. Some people feel more holistically, and some people just skim the surface of feeling. I am one to feel with every drop of blood in my body, and through every inch of flesh and bone. Perhaps I even feel more than that.

But what I mean is that I am very different from any other girl anyone has ever met. I am in fact dramatic, but it's partially because of my extreme sensitivity. I am also shy, but kind hearted. I have only but good intentions, and I like to smile. I love storms and the rain, but I can appreciate a sunny day also. I'm an avid music lover, and though I'm an insomniac, I'm also a sleep enthusiast. I love love love food, but I'm so very picky. I like to laugh but often times I'm very sad. I get sad for no reason, and I cry over silly things. Too frequently I let other people influence my decisions, when I should really be living life for myself. I think more than anyone you know - and that is a promise. I am lazy, but extremely ambitious. I am the biggest walking paradox you will ever cross paths with.

I'd really like to keep going but my back is killing me so now I must go.

Perhaps I'll be back around lunch time.