I call this one "Fuck Everything: An Epiphany"

It's hard, you know. Being friends with people who are so very different from you.
It's hard to please everyone, and it's damn hard to "be yourself" when you aren't even the slightest bit sure of who "yourself" really is.

I'd like to think that highschool is easy. You know: get in, do homework and take a few tests, get out. But it's so much more difficult than that.

Theres lunch: the only permitted social gathering of the day where you can talk about whatever you want, and do whatever you want (as long as you don't get caught). You can interact with your friends and other social groups, or you can study or sit alone. It's all up to you. But it's periods like these that develop you as an adolescent.

Theres also pre & post class congregations. Where everyone sits in their social groups and just kicks back until they need to go to class, sports, etc. Get in with the right group, and you'll be just fine.

Not to mention class time: where your social standing is put to the test - and you see who wants to sit near you and be paired with you. Here, it's either you're friends with the cool kids or you're not - there's truly only two very blurry groups.

Now I know we'd all like to think that no one actually cares what you do "cause yolo" or what fucking ever - but that shit is obviously false. EVERY ONE CARES. Don't ask me why, but everyone cares, and everyone is ALWAYS watching.

"I heard she got drunk" "what, she drinks?" "I heard he raped a girl" "oh my god I didn't know he was like that" "Have you heard?" "You didn't know?"

Everyone likes something juicy to talk about. Why? Because it's so much more interesting than talking about their own mistakes.

I'd like to think that highschool is easy, but everything you do is judged, and it seems like you're the only one who ever slips up and that everyone else is perfect.

You know what though? You know what the worst of the worst is?

When people think you're perfect, and they build up this high image of you in their heads - but then you turn out to be a disappointment in not being all that they expected. Honestly, I can't help but think that that is unfair. I mean I am extremely flattered that people think so highly of me, but keeping up your reputation is a pain and honestly I just don't fucking want to deal with it anymore.

Fuck school, fuck social standards, fuck people, fuck friends, and fuck reputations.

I don't give a shit anymore and I am so relieved to finally be able to say that I honestly do not give a shit anymore. People can talk all they fucking want, but I'm not gonna let that shit bother me anymore.

And I'm so fucking sick and tired of trying to be nice to people that I don't actually like. Maybe if you were real or not a complete bitch, I wouldn't have a reason to dislike you.

Fuck trying to please people and tip-toeing around people's feelings, because honestly where is that going to get you in life? In the real world, no one gives a damn whether you are sensitive or not. They tell it like it is and could care less about your feelings.
I'm so tired of having to work toward getting an A, when honestly why should a little letter on a piece of paper determine whether you are smart or not? Half the shit you learn in school you will NEVER need in life - so why don't we spend our time learning life skills instead of useless things like how to solve for X and how chemical bonds are formed? Only about 1% of people will go into a job that requires knowledge like that - because the rest of us will probably go into something like retail or manual labor where none of that even counts. And when you're the head of the company, with people below you doing all the work - all you really need to do is sit there and look nice which is what is so ironic and mind-boggling.

I'm going off on a tangent, but back to my main point - fuck everything I used to be because I don't give a shit anymore! I'm gonna do what I want and stop being so concerned about what people think, because honestly I'm probably never going to see anyone after highschool and I'll be able to start over anyways.